.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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