Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
