She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
