Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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