I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wow bdsm is so cute
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
