We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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