they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
