Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We left an ass print on the piano.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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