New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My bed smells like the plague
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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