I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were trust falling into bushes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
