Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
