My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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