I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
