I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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