He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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