do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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