if only i could text you this smell
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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