i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Two words: nipple clamps
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