Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
