Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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