Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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