someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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