Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
