It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
