I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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