Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
