we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
