Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
