If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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