Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
