She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
