1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
