I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
