so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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