Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Enjoy the penises
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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