So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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