dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
