All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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