grandma shit on top of the toilet
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
