He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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