I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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