I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
