4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
