I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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