he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
