I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
