this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my being single is dangerous.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
