my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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