My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
