A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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