mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
