I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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