I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
