Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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