she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
