today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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