Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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