hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
