U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
