Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
