can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
