So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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