Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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