he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
