NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love having hate sex.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
