oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
