I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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