oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
