What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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