What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
time to smoke my breakfast
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
