I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
