worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
